I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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