Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
