The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
