hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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