You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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