Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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