you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
