Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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