when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize