i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize