i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
