I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
