GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
