i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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