drinking out of a sandbucket again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
