I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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