That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
