We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
