she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
