And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
