How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
