i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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