2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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