So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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