you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
