And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
