Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
