loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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