i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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