dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I deserve this hangover.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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