I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
