I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
