I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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