She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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