Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
