So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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