He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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