I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
