I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
