Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
