this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
