so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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