So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
