he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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