What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Randomize
