Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
