I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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