Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize