I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
