Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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