having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
