Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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