Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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