Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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