went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
