Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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