apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
