You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
