Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
