R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
