Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I could make wine with my vomit
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
