gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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