Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
