i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
